


The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

by HeyJudeLetItBe



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - World War II, Angst, Boys In Love, Character Death, Cheating, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Major Character Injury, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, There is like no happy, War AU, multi-chapter fic, well very little
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23660059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyJudeLetItBe/pseuds/HeyJudeLetItBe
Summary: So Roger agrees to go to therapy, initially it’s only a month-long program to see how he does. In the end, he goes for a year and a half, every Wednesday at two in the afternoon. Roger said it helped, Brian breathes a sigh of relief every time Roger doesn’t have an attack, which only happens three times a month now. Brian is there to hold him every time Roger has a bad day, he’s there to listen even though he is well aware he will never understand what Roger has been though. Brian loves him unconditionally.The WWII AU Nobody in this Fandom asked for, but when you want a very specific AU, you just write it yourself.Warning this is written mostly through flashbacks, It is very very heavy on the Angst and you will know basically what is going to happen from the very beginning. Tags will be updated as we go on.This shouldn't be more than about ten chapters, but each chapter will be long, most longer than this one. I am going to try to update once a month at the longest, but this one is going to be finished quickly as compared to my other projects.This is my first Multi-chapter fic in this fandom, so all feedback is welcomed!~ MK
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor, Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Brian May, John Deacon/Freddie Mercury
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue:  
1950  
Roger Meddows Taylor-May watches out his second-story bedroom window, watching his husband have a water gun fight with their twins, chasing after their son, scooping him up in a bear hug as their daughter empties her faux gun onto the boys. He smiled to himself as they fell to the ground in laughter.  
“It’s only a little creepy when you stare down at them like that ya know, Darling?” Roger turns around abruptly, startled to see Freddie there, grinning at him as he takes a few steps forward. “Fred?” Roger breaths out. Somewhere in his mind, he knows this is a dream, he knows Freddie was killed in 1944.  
“You know the ones who leave are never really gone.” It’s John, he knows the voice from anywhere, John who was so destroyed over Freddie’s death, he cut himself off from the world, cut himself off from Roger and Brian, and died himself three years later from a fatal gunshot wound to the temple, Roger was the one to find him.  
Roger bursts into tears as he sinks to the ground where he stands, his heaving breaths and shaky sobs alert Brian who was already halfway up the stairs. “Roger?!” He calls when he finally makes it to their bedroom, their twins chasing shortly behind. “Love, it’s okay.” He pulls his husband into his arms, rocking them back and forth, rubbing soothing circles across his back.  
“Rufus, Emily, why don’t you go clean up and read until dinner?” Brian says softly to his children, Emily nods and pulls her brother to their respective rooms, shutting her parent’s bedroom door behind her. “What’s happened, Love?”  
“Freddie... he was.....” Roger found he couldn’t form the right words, Freddie was what? A figment of his permanently scarred brain? Freddie was dead, Deaky was dead. Freddie sacrificed himself for Roger, to save him. “He’s.... right....” he trailed off, finally able to stop crying enough to form proper, well somewhat proper, sentences. “Right there.” Roger looks around the room to find them gone, of course, they were gone, they weren’t real, to begin with.  
After getting Roger to shower and calm down, he had set him by the fireplace with a book and some tea until dinner was finished, Brian worries himself into a frenzy as he waits for the oven to heat up properly and the water to boil. It had been about eight years since Roger was drafted, and six years since he came home, since Freddie. Brian knows that Roger will never be the same as before he left and a part of him will always belong to Freddie. Brian accepts that, but watching Roger struggle, watching him hurt is slowly killing poor Brian and he is well aware that if Roger doesn’t get help he will never come back.  
So Roger agrees to go to therapy, initially it’s only a month-long program to see how he does. In the end, he goes for a year and a half, every Wednesday at two in the afternoon. Roger said it helped, Brian breathes a sigh of relief every time Roger doesn’t have an attack, which only happens three times a month now. Brian is there to hold him every time Roger has a bad day, he’s there to listen even though he is well aware he will never understand what Roger has been though. Brian loves him unconditionally.  
____________  
__________  
———  
Chapter 1:  
1960  
Roger is napping when Brian comes home from work, Emily is home early from school, Rufas is off doing lord only knows. Things are normal, Brian thinks to himself, after so long having to watch his beloved Roger hurt so badly, he finally seems to be getting better.  
“Get home early?” Roger makes his way downstairs, bare feet, blond hair a mess, eyes tired and one of Brian’s t-shirts covering most of his body. “Short day at the office, Love. How was your day?”  
“Nothing eventful to report got the holiday off.” He says, which explains why he is indeed home, Brian would have had the day off, but he remembered some very important papers needed to be sent off, and he just didn’t trust anybody to do it properly but himself. He took a half day however, at least he would get to see his family for the long weekend. “No urgent teeth to attend to, Dad?” Emily asks cheekily from her place on the chair by the fireplace, Roger turns to her “No, and it’s the family business, you’ll get to run it one day!” He teases her, voice full of enthusiasm. Brian watches with admiration for his husband and their daughter who adopted his personality.  
“Where’s Rufus? Runoff again?” Brian hangs up his coat and sets his briefcase in the hall closet. “He said he’s going to practice, tennis I think,” Emily explained, as she went back to reading her magazine.  
“Follow.” Roger purred, pulling a startled looking Brian up the stairs and to their bedroom. “What’s gotten into you?” He asks as Roger shuts their bedroom door. “I’ve just missed you.” Roger coos at his husband, who is taking off his tie and hanging it in the closet.  
“Missed me huh?” Brisk smiled softly at the smaller man, he noted how utterly adorable his husband looks, eyes soft and sleepy, a shirt Brian had just put away, which was far too big for Roger, covering most of his body. “Come ‘ere.”  
Roger let himself be pulled into Brian’s tight embrace, it was peaceful, Brian smelled like home, he felt like peace, he was the only one who’d been there when Roger came home, one person short of when he’d left, despite being so sure they would come home and things would go back to normal. Roger feels himself start to cry, his breathing starting to become uneven and frantic. He feels his heartbeat quicken and his body starts to shake. Another attack.  
Brian is there to hold him, to soothe him and help him to bed, his steady heartbeat serving as a grounding factor for Roger, something he can latch onto to help steady himself. Strong, steady Brian Harold May, the man who, despite Roger never fully being able to love him as he deserves, still loved Roger in nineteen sixty as much as he did in and before nineteen forty-two.  
Roger soon fades into an uneasy sleep, and for the first time in over ten years, he dreams of all those years ago, he dreams of that fateful day when he lost his best friend. The day his life changed forever.  
Brian never leaves his side, holding him through the afternoon, Brian reading one of his ‘giant spider killer books’ as Roger would put it, Roger dreams, and Brian knows he’s dreaming of July 6th, 1944.  
__________________________  
____________________  
___________  
1942  
“Ya think what they’re talking about is serious? Germany and all that?” Freddie was sitting across from Brian, almost on top of Roger as they nursed the beers they’d gotten almost twenty minutes ago. All were feeling uneasy, the threat of war looming over England was cause for the whole country to be on edge, especially for men.  
“With everything they’re saying, and America talking of getting involved, I’d think so, we could be sent to war any day now,” Brian answered, eyes not leaving the table. He knew full well he would never see action unless things went from awful to terrible. Brian already having been in college for two years now and coming from a wealthy family, knew the real threat was for Freddie and Roger.  
“All we can do is wait, yeah? No sense in getting worked up over nothing.” Roger downed his beer, the conversation getting too heavy, he was only 18, he should be off partying and going wild, not worrying over whether or not he would have to be sent to Germany to fight a bloody war. “Let's just enjoy the night! Tomorrow is a new day!” Roger slammed his now empty glass on the table.  
“Easy tiger, can’t get too loud, people are still unsettled about everything.” Freddie laughed, following Roger’s lead, finishing off his beer and looking at Brian expectantly. Brian rolled his eyes at his friend's antics and finished his beer as well, earning a loud catcall from Freddie and a chuckle from Roger.  
The rest of their time passed quickly and rather uneventfully, Freddie and Roger got more and more frisky and Brian got more and more uncomfortable and his heart broke a little more with each peck Freddie gave Roger when he thought nobody was watching. “I’m going to head home, I have a test tomorrow,” Brian stated as he stood and laid down money for his tab.  
“Guess we’ll head home too then, Darling. We’ll see you tomorrow?” Freddie asked the tallest man. “Yeah, I’ll call you.” Was all Brian said before bolting for the door. “What’s gotten into him?” Roger wondered out loud and he and Freddie started for their shared flat.  
It was cold that winter, much colder than it usually was in England, it had stopped snowing earlier that evening so the walk was cold but not too terrible, as Freddie and Roger took a secluded back way to their flat. “Probably just stressed,” Freddie commented on Rogers’ earlier question as he took the hand of the blond in his own. 

Roger was content with the answer, at least enough to not comment any further on Brian or his odd behavior as of late. As they neared their home Roger broke out into a sprint shouting “Last one to the door loses!”  
Freddie let out a laugh as he took off after Roger, grasping onto the back of his shirt in an unsuccessful attempt to pull Roger behind him. He only lost to the blond by a half a step, but it was enough for Roger to stick out his tongue, unlock the door and take off to their shared bedroom before Freddie could catch him.  
“You tosser! You’ll be punished for that!” Freddie yelled as he shut the bedroom door, and waltzed over to his boyfriend who was now lounging on the bed, breathing a little heavier than usual. “Is that a promise?” Roger winked with a devilish grin on his face. “Got to make sure that you stay in check don’t we, Rog?”  
When Brian makes it back to his dorm he is greeted to a dark, empty room, it's cold and instantly he regrets not wearing a warmer shirt today. He searches for the light switch on the right wall, once he finds it he sighs and looks around his room, he has a few pictures on the walls of the family and him and Roger and Freddie. His twin bed dressed in grey and black sheets are a cruel reminder that he is alone and Roger is spending his nights in Freddie’s arms and not his. Brian can’t help but be jealous of Freddie, he gets to be with Roger every day, they work together, they live together, they do everything together and Brian was always the third wheel, pining after the one person who he was certain would never love him back.  
Brian found his mail had been left on the floor in front of his door. He tossed his bag on the side table and grabbed his stack of four letters. Two were from his mum and dad, well addressed from his mum and dad although he knew it was all from Mum and Dad had just signed his name at the end. One was from the Dean of his university, and the last was from a face from the past. Someone he hadn’t seen in over two years. ‘Mum must have given him my mailing address.’ Brian thought as he opened the letter carefully.  
Brian,  
I know we haven’t talked since you went to London for school, and I feel that it is my fault. I was so angry with you, I was only thinking of myself, not how this would benefit you, how you moving to London and going to school would help you. With this looming threat of Germany and the war, I want to make sure you know just how much I cared and still care about you. Brian, you were and are everything to me, even though I know you’ve moved on from me and this place. You’ve got some lucky guy in London who is everything you dreamed of. Just know if he doesn’t work out, I will always be here waiting for you, I’ve saved room in my heart in case you decide you still want me. In case you don’t write me back, which I wouldn’t blame you for from how we left things, you were the one. And if I get drafted to this damned war, if I die at somebody’s hand, I love you, Brian.  
~John Deacon  
Brian stared blankly at the letter after reading it, processing what he had read. John Deacon, the saint, the perfect, intelligent, beautiful John, whom Brian swore he would never love anyone but. John, being younger than him, was just about to turn eighteen and was a perfect candidate for war if it came to that. Here Brian was pining after Roger, who had stolen what he thought was his heart the minute he waltzed into the room draped over Freddie’s arm, he’d nearly forgotten that John held his heart miles away back home.  
My Darling John,  
Please tell me you haven’t forgotten about you coming to London as soon as you finish secondary school. I have made wonderful friends but none that could ever replace you. Please say you’ll come to visit me over the break. Just for a week? I am coming home in three weeks, I'll pick you up. John… I could never forget about you. I love you, John.  
~Bri  
*******

Brian finally convinced John's parents to let John come and stay two weeks in London, getting them to agree on the points of John getting to know where he’d be going to university at the start of the semester after the break, and of course a final good word or two from Brian’s Mum about how responsible Brian was and how they are kept updated on everything Brian does and how she was sure John would do the same whilst he was away.  
“Hello, Mr. Deacon,” Brian said when John’s father answered the door, John and his mother peeking over the man’s shoulders, John a blushing mess already. “Mr. May, please come in, you just missed your Mother, she was here not even an hour ago.” Brian shook the man’s outstretched hand and then followed them inside.  
“She had mentioned stopping by, I just came from my father’s annual hunting trip, not that I did any hunting, just there for sake of appearances. I had been told you were invited.” They came to a large den, a fire going in the fireplace on the west wall, farthest from the door they had come in, the white walls contrasting nicely from the dark wood floors, a few bookshelves were placed along the walls and two couches sat opposite each other in the center of the room, two chairs sat on either side of them, all sitting around a coffee table.  
“Do send your father my deepest apologies, I am usually in attendance, as you know, but we had a family emergency, happy to report all is well now.” Brian smiled as he sat on one of the couches, John sitting next to him. “That is great to hear, Your new remodels are lovely Mr. and Mrs. Deacon, much has changed since I was here last.”  
“I am so glad you like it, we just finished about six months ago.” John’s mother smiled softly. “Can I get you anything, tea? Biscuits?” Brian shook his head, black curls moving with him “No ma’am, I am fine.”  
“Mum, Dad, I am going to show Brian around before we eat, then we have to go, we have a long drive back to London,” John said, pulling Brian up and rushing off down the hall. “God I have missed you, Mr. May,” John said under his breath, not stopping his hurried walk until they reached the staircase on the opposite side of the house. He pulled Brian into his arms and kissed him deeply.  
****************  
“You are coming to me and Fred’s party tonight right? Tim and Barry are coming, and I think Fred said something about Elton and possibly John and Paul.” Roger rattled off names like Brian was supposed to remember them in three days when this party was supposed to take place. “I was actually hoping to cash in on my plus one.” Brian said, having to pull the phone away from his ear as Roger screamed for Freddie. “Go on then, Bri, spill it! Tell us everything!” It was Freddie who yelled this time.  
“Don’t cause me to go deaf now, Fred.” Brian chuckled, putting the phone back to his ear and looking over at John who was reading happily on Brian’s bed, Brian smiled to himself “His name is John, we grew up together. We will be there on Friday.”  
“Well, we can’t wait three whole days to meet the man who had stolen our Brian’s heart. Come over tonight! We have beer and music.” Freddie hung up the phone, not giving Brian the option to say anything further. Roger turned to Freddie “Maybe now he won’t be depressed now, he found somebody to make him happy.”  
“He deserves all the happiness, somebody to make him as happy as you make me, my Love.” Freddie kissed Roger’s cheek, which caused Roger to laugh quietly. “You already have me Fred, no need to keep flirting like you’re trying to win me over.”  
“On the contrary, I already have you, yes, but I will never stop winning you over, I have to keep you now,” Freddie explained with a smile. “Sweetest thing you’ve said all day, Fred.”  
*************  
“Will you get the door, Blondie?! I am trying to finish these snacks.” Freddie called from the kitchen as he heard the knock at the door, an hour early, must be Brian he thought to himself, he’s the only one who would show up this early, and knowing Brian he brought one of two things, Wine or a dessert of some type, ‘Never show up empty-handed. It’s just good manners.’ he’d say when he gave whatever he’d brought off to Freddie.  
“Brian and John are here!” Roger yells before he opens the door. “Hey, Brian, John.” Brian can’t help but feel a twang of jealousy at the way Roger’s eyes looked over John, the way he gracefully took John’s coat, the way he seemed to flirt with everyone he met, even if he didn’t mean to. “Where is Freddie? I have some wine for you.” He tells Rogers as he follows the sounds coming from the kitchen.  
“Where I usually am, Darling, the kitchen.” Freddie whips his hands on his ‘Kiss the Chef apron. “Well thank you, Brian, and where has John gotten off to now? I hope you didn’t leave him with, Roger, the little minx would flirt with a wall if it had a blond wig.” Freddie laughs, taking the wine from Brian and setting it on the counter before getting out four glasses.  
“I have ears! Or did the two of you forget?” Roger says, face deadpan, but tone joking. “And Brunette wig, thank you.” He added, getting a wine opener from the drawer and handing it off to Freddie. “You know I love you.” The wine was opened and passed around, the snacks set out and ready for the guests to arrive and the four settled into the living room, Roger sitting on one side of the couch, Freddie on the floor between his legs, Brian sitting on the other side of the couch with John perched on the arm next to him.  
It is only after several minutes and the light from the lamp in the corner of the room hitting Roger’s hands just right that Brian noticed the gold band on the blond’s left hand. “Roger? Freddie? What is that?” Brian makes a grab for the blond’s hand, causing Freddie and John to jump at the sudden movement. “Are you two….?”  
“Yep! married!” Roger said proudly. “Well as real as we can, with it being founded upon and all.” Freddie explained, “I proposed last night, when we were walking home from work, right outside under the stars and snow.”  
“I’ve never been happier.” Roger smiled, placing a hand on Freddie’s shoulder. He opened his mouth to say more but was interrupted by a knock at the door. “I’ll get it, like a good housewife.” Roger teased, kissing the top of Freddie’s head.  
Elton! Bernie! Welcome welcome, Brian and his friend John are already here.”  
Everyone arrived shortly after Elton and Bernie, John Lennon and Paul McCartney already hammered when they arrived and Tim and Barry tipsy. They stayed through the night and into the early morning before everyone left with who they had arrived with, Freddie insisted Brian and John take the bedroom, he and Roger cuddling together on the couch, vowing to clean up in the morning. The radio was left on, the voice of some late-night talk show played through the quiet house. “Any day now the recruiting could begin, Germany is a little too close to home for us to keep pretending everything is okay. If you ask me, this is going to change our lives forever.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tell me you love me. Tell me you love me and that what we have is real.” Roger was crying now, stepping closer to Freddie, his voice was cracking and he needed to know, just to hear that Freddie still wanted him, still loved him. He needed to hear that he was enough.
> 
> “Roger Meddows Taylor, I love you just as much today and I loved you when I first met you. I saw you and I knew that you were the only one. You’re it for me. The other half of my soul.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Second Chapter is already up, I didn't expect to finish the next chapter this fast, but here ya go, this one is even angst-er than the first and it will only get sadder as we go, you have been warned. I may have shed a few tears when writing this chapter, I can't lie.
> 
> Warnings for this Chapter!!! 
> 
> SOME SPOILERS AHEAD FOR CHAPTER READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Reference to cheating, some language, eluding to sex. That is all. Nothing too bad yet. 
> 
> enjoy!! MK

Chapter 2:  
1942  
After much convincing and some begging, John’s parents finally agreed to let him stay for the remainder of the break, save for Christmas of course, John was more than grateful to get the extra time with Brian and his newfound friends Roger and Freddie. “Can’t believe that your parents agreed to let you stay. It’s the best news that I have heard all day.” Brian pulled John back into his lap, keeping them tight in each other’s arms. He kissed the younger mans lips softly, pulling back only to stare into John’s eyes “Thank you for letting me back into your life, John Deacon.”

“Brian, you are the only person I want by my side. As long as I am alive, you are the only person I need.” John laid his head against Brian’s chest listening to his strong steady heartbeat. “How upset do you think our parents would be if they saw us at this very moment?” John looks up with innocent eyes, his eyelashes fluttering as he blinks. Brian took the question into consideration, his father would be furious, Brian was supposed to marry the moment he got out of college, a child as to be convived in two years of marriage, then Brian was to ready to take over his father’s estate and start his political career.

“I’m sure they would be furious. Imagine how the press would react.” Brian mocked his mother’s voice causing John to laugh “One day, John, you will learn that a Gentleman put reputation and wealth over happiness.” John lowered the tone of his voice to match his fathers.

“God if I ever say things like that, you can go ahead and shoot me.” Brian said pulling John into another kiss.

************

The next weeks passed and the looming threat of Germany and Hitler almost faded away from the thoughts of English citizens, despite their troops already fighting, America hadn’t started drafting yet, most thought that it would fade away, Germany would surrender, the city was rebuilding nicely from the bombings in nineteen forty and the fear seemed to leave completely for Freddie and Roger who were buzzing with excitement over their engagement.

“You and John are coming over Christmas Eve, yes? I know that you will be running off to your parents until January but we do want to see you before you leave for three weeks.” Roger was on the phone with Brian, as he wrapped presents for Freddie.

“We can stop by in the morning, we have to leave early evening however, Mother will be furious if I get home too late.” Roger started to say something before Freddie came into the room, his face pale, eyes unreadable. “I am going to war.” Brian heard quietly before the loud thud of Roger dropping the phone on the counter. “You’re what?” Roger’s voice was breathy and strained, tears filled his eyes as he pulled Freddie into his arms.

“But… what… what if…. Fred what if you die? What if you don’t come home?” Roger covered his mouth to stifle his sobs. Tears were flowing freely now, leaving hot trails down his face and rolling onto his shirt. It was about this time that Brian had gotten his shoes on and rushed out of the door, having left a note to John when he got back from the store about where he’d gone, on his way to Freddie and Roger’s apartment.

Brian didn’t even knock when he got there, instead, he opened the unlocked door and rushed to where Freddie and Roger were standing in the center of their living room. “Oh, Freddie,” Brian whispers when Freddie sees him and opens his arms to welcome Brian into the embrace. Roger gasps as he sobs into Freddie’s chest. “Whats…. whats going to happen to… to…to Freddie?”

“He is strong, Rog, he will come home in one piece I’m sure of it,” Brian said, letting Freddie, who went off to fetch fresh clothes for Roger, go and moving to sit Roger on the couch. “I will be here to keep you safe until Freddie gets home.”

“You have John to worry about, Bri, I am so scared that something is going to happen to him, what if he doesn’t come home? What if they can’t find him and he is stuck there.” Roger began to spiral, and who could blame him, the man he loved was just told he was being shipped off to war. “Nothing is going to happen to him.” Brian had never lied to Roger before, the truth was he knew that there was a good change Freddie would die in that damned war, and two things would happen to Roger, Freddie would come home a changed man and they would try their best make it work, or Freddie would die in the war and Roger might never come back from the loss of his soulmate.

“Let’s get you changed, Roger.” Freddie said with, taking the blond in his arms, giving Brian a look that said ‘I will be back in a few minutes’ and rushed to the bedroom. “I am not going anywhere, Darling.” Freddie breathed out as he set Roger on the bed and went to work taking off his shoes. “But what if you do?” Roger’s voice was uncharacteristically soft, he looked almost childlike, looking at Freddie with big eyes filled with tears, Freddie felt his heartbreak all over again at the sight, his beautiful Roger, waiting here for Freddie who may or may not die in the war.

“I promise, no matter what, hell or high water, I will come back to you Roger Taylor. I will always come back to you.” Freddie makes sure that Roger is comfortable and fully asleep, which doesn’t take long before he goes back out to where he left Brian. “What I am going to do?” he collapses on the couch and finally lets himself cry. He lets Brian pull him into a strong hug, lets himself cry freely and be comforted.

“Would you like a drink? After this news, I deserve it.” Freddie asks after what feels like hours of crying. Brian gives Freddie a look of ‘really Fred?’ but agrees nonetheless. “Sure. We talking wine or stronger?”

“Much stronger. I have vodka in the kitchen if you’d care to join me.” Freddie stands, untangling himself from Brian and going to rummage around the cabinet where they kept the alcohol. “Gotch.” He said after a few minutes of searching, he got two shot glasses and came back to the living room.

Four shots later, Brian was drunker than he thought he would be, and Freddie was already pouring his sixth shot. “You might wanna slow down, Fred. Have you eaten at all today?” Even drunk Brian was overly worried and forever the mom of the group. Freddie giggled and shushed him “I had some toast earlier, Roger was gonna cook before the news.” Freddie said, his finger still against Brian’s lips. “I will call John to bring us some food.” Brian said louder than he had meant to, earning another shush from Freddie which came out more giggly than anything. “Blondie is sleeping! Shush Bri!” Freddie whisper shouted.

Brian stumbled to the phone, still lying in the same spot Roger had dropped it earlier that day. Three rings later John answered with “Hello, John speaking.”  
“John, it’s Brian. I went over to Fred and Rog’s, I’m sure you got my note.” There was some shuffling on the other end of the line before John answered “Yeah, I saw it, everything okay? I heard there was another round of drafting announced this afternoon.”

“Things have definitely been better, but it’s not my news to tell. I was going to see..”

“Pizza!” Freddie yells in the background, Brian sees him down another shot. “I will grab Pizza and be there soon.” John says before Brian could say anything else. The phone is hung up promptly, Brian smiled to himself and then goes back to Freddie. “Pizza will be coming soon. Thanks to my Lovely John.”

“You’re so perfect, Brian. What did Roger not see in you?” Brian gave Freddie a confused look, what on Earth has gotten into him, what was he going on about now? “What are you talking about?” Brian takes another shot despite his inner voice telling him not to. “Come on, Bri, anyone with eyes could tell how much you liked Roger, still do I presume, I am just trying to figure out how he never noticed,” Freddie said. This left Brian with a surprised look as he said: “He never noticed because he was to busy looking at you.”

“Oh don’t sound so bitter, darling Bri. You scored John, I have never seen somebody as captivated as John is by you.” Brian thought about Freddie’s words a moment “You have obviously never seen Roger when you walk into a room.” Freddie’s face faltered momentarily, leaning closer to Brian “I love him, more than anything, but I can’t help but think of everything he deserves and everything I cannot give him.”

“As long as you make him happy, there is nothing more he needs. Money doesn’t buy happiness. Money can’t buy love.” Brian rests his hand on Freddie’s on the couch. “Brian, promise me something?”

“Anything, Fred.” Freddie takes a deep shaky breath, “Take care of him. If I die, don’t let him do anything rash, encourage him to live for me.” More tears fall from both of their eyes and Brian nods “Freddie, I promise will all my heart and everything in me, I will make sure Roger is looked after.” Freddie doesn’t know if he should blame the vodka or the circumstances but before he knows any better, Brian’s lips are on him, Freddie had the man’s shirt curled in his fist and Brian had his hand on Freddie’s waist.

“Only me, huh, Fred?” Roger’s voice rings through the quiet apartment and Brian pulls away so quickly he is sure he had gotten whiplash. “Roger! Please, it’s not….”

“Save it, Brian!” Roger yells, he’s furious, he is seeing red, he grabs keys, his wallet and his shoes by the door as he storms out, slamming the door behind him and nearly knocking over poor John on his way out. “Roger? What’s happened?”

“Freddie and Brian happened that’s what? I caught them making out on my couch.” He says quieter this time, but still just as angry. He leans against the wall as he puts on his shoes and looks up to see the hurt look on John’s face. “B..Brian, he.. he really…” John trailed off when he saw Roger shaking his head “Come on, I need a smoke.” Roger placed his hand on the small of John’s back, taking the pizza from him, tossing towards the door of his apartment and then leading John to the exit.

“Do you think it has been going on long?” John asks as he takes a drag from the cigarette Roger had given him as they walked down the sidewalk. Sometime during Roger’s nap, the sun had set and the stars came out. It was snowing softly and Roger had forgotten his heavier jacket at the apartments in his rush to get out, so he shivered a bit as he blew out smoke, the grey smoke mixed with the chill in the air creating a beautiful cloud floating up to the sky. “I hope not,” Roger answered. “Freddie is going to the war, and I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know what to think, and now he is kissing my best friend, and I have never been more confused.”

“He is going to war?” John looks over at Roger “It just got so much more real.” John said, “You’re not thinking of enlisting are you?” John stops walking when they get back to Brian’s apartments and unlocks the door, hurrying Roger inside “Let’s get you warmed up.” John said offering Roger a blanket before going to the kitchen to start the kettle. “Where is your jacket, Rog?”

“I left it in my rush to leave the apartment,” Roger admitted sheepishly “Earlier question, no I haven’t considered enlisting, I thought I would stay here and hold down home while Freddie is away, be here waiting when he comes home.” John looks at him sadly as he comes back into the room he had left the blond in, “Now what are you thinking? With what you saw tonight?”

“I am confused, and hurt, me and Freddie have been together for nearly three years now, I haven’t been with anyone else, not as serious as me and Fred, anyway, and I feel like I’ve lost him. Like he is no longer mine.” Roger feels like he is going to cry more, but there are no tears, there are no tears left, so he sits there, numb and staring at the floor of his best friend’s apartment sitting next to his best friend’s boyfriend.

“I guess the only way to find out is to ask, we could call them, or go over there, give them a chance to explain.” John went to finish making the tea. “Or I could ignore them, see if they even notice I am gone, or if they are too busy with each other.” Hearing this makes John feel like he has been stabbed in the heart, a gut-wrenching, breathtaking pain as he unsuccessfully tries to steady his hand enough to pour the boiling water into the cups. Would Brian really lie to him? Ask him to come this far from home, live with him, tell him he loved him, just to break his heart like this? “Would…,” John’s voice cracks and his stomach churns “Would Brian really do that? I have known him since we were kids.” Roger is by John’s side in an instant, pulling him into a hug.

“I didn’t mean it like that, I am sure there is an explanation.” Roger didn’t know what hurt him more, the thought of Freddie with his best friend, or the sight of sweet, innocent John broken because of said best friend. “Let’s call them, yeah?” He took the kettle from John’s shaking hand and placed it back on the stove. He then took John and lead him to the couch, next to the phone.

Five rings went by with no answer and Roger took the phone from his ear and placed it back on the body, looking at a crying John Deacon then to the door which was being unlocked. “Oh, here we go.” He muttered to himself as he saw Brian walk through the door, he was alone, a somber look on his face.

“Finally able to get away from my fiance were we?” Roger sneered at Brian, keeping John in a tight embrace, as if protecting him from the world, from Brian. “Roger, can I talk to you? Alone.” Brian’s voice was quiet, strained, afraid, he motioned for Roger to follow him into the hallway.

“How could you do that, Brian?! Not only to me but to John!” Roger crossed his arms and glared up at the taller man. “It isn’t what it looked like, I swear, Rog. There is nothing going on between me and Freddie, we were drunk, he’d been crying.” Brian tried desperately to explain. “This isn’t about me and Freddie! This is about what you did to John! Look at him! He broke at the mere mention of your name! He loves you, Brian! And now you’ve hurt him, so much. I don’t know if he will ever fully trust you again. If it were me, I wouldn’t have trusted you after what you did the first time you left him.” With that Roger walked away from Brian, looking at a now sleeping John and sighed, flicking off Brian before slamming the door and starting to his own apartment.

“Freddie! Fucking! Mercury!” Roger was quite about shutting the door for the sake of his neighbors but shouted the minute he locked their front door. Freddie was looking down as he walked from the bedroom, not meeting Roger’s eyes. “Care to explain yourself? How long?” Freddie mutters something under his breath, Roger steps closer to the man. “Can’t here you Fred. How long have you been having second thoughts about me? About us?”

“Roger, please. It isn’t like that. I swear.” Roger glares at him, having half a mind to throw the nearest object against the wall to let out his frustration. “Then hows it like, Fred? You propose to me, tell me you’re going off to war, then I catch you making out with my best friend. What am I supposed to think?”

“I was telling Brian how I wanted you to be taken care of if I die in the war. I needed to know that you wouldn’t be alone. I know that you don’t talk to your family any longer, and I know that besides me and Brian, you don’t have anyone, except maybe Tim. I wanted to know that you wouldn’t be alone.” Roger’s eyes softened a bit, his face remained stern “How does that correlate to you kissing him?”

“We were drunk, very drunk. Look, Roger, I love you, and I will marry you, the minute I get back from this war. I don’t want to spend my last few weeks with you fighting, please. How can I make this right? I will do anything.”

“Tell me you love me. Tell me you love me and that what we have is real.” Roger was crying now, stepping closer to Freddie, his voice was cracking and he needed to know, just to hear that Freddie still wanted him, still loved him. He needed to hear that he was enough. “Roger Meddows Taylor, I love you just as much today and I loved you when I first met you. I saw you and I knew that you were the only one. You’re it for me. The other half of my soul.”

Roger had never kissed Freddie as hard as he did in that moment, pulling Freddie’s face down to meet him and guiding Freddie’s hands to hold him. Roger walked them carefully down the hallway, pulling Freddie onto the bed on top of him.

************

1960

Roger woke to find Brian still holding him, the window was still opened and the evening setting sun shown through the lace curtains and the breeze blew in softly, summer was nice this year. “Hello, Love.” Brian marks his spot in the book when he sees Roger’s eyes flutter open. “How long did I sleep?” Brian scrunches his nose as he looks at the close on the wall, “‘Bout 4 hours, Darling.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“Roger, don’t apologize, it’s okay. I love you.” Brian says, kissing the side of Roger’s head. “I love you too,” Roger stretches his arms and pops his back “Want to get take away? Chinese?”

“Sounds, good. I think Rufas finally got home.” Brian stands and offers his hand for Roger to take, which he gratefully accepts. “Family dinner it is then.”

“Roger, I think it is time we tell the children, about the war. About Fred and Deaky. Emily has been asking. She was the photo album from just before the war.” Roger stilled and felt his heartbeat quicken. “I mean…. if they ask about it, we can’t keep it from them,” Roger said, swallowing the lump which has formed in his throat “Yeah, we cant tell them. After dinner.” Roger agreed. “If you don’t want to we don’t have to, Rog. It is your story, not mine.”

“I will think about it.” Brian nodded and lead Roger downstairs. Rufas was mindlessly staring at the tv, his parents walking into the room didn’t even phase him. Emily had a large photo album in her hand, it was a deep burgundy and the pages were yellowing and dusty as she turned them. She had several stacked around her on the floor. She looked up from the photo she had been looking at and smiled at her dads. “Well good morning, Daddy, sleep well?” Brian lets go of Roger’s hand and walks to the kitchen to find the takeout menu they have stashed in one of the drawers. “Yes, Em. What are you looking at?”

She motions for Roger to sit next to her on the couch and once he does she sets to open an album on his lap. “I know that is you, but who is next to you there? He looks quite handsome.” Roger wipes a thumb over the picture, he is standing in a swimming suit, a beer in his hand and a smile on his face. His arm is wrapped around the waist of a man who is only a hair shorter than him, he took is smiling and his hair is a mess. The sun is reflecting off the water and you can tell it was hot by the way their hair stuck to them. “That is Freddie Mercury.”

“You must have been close, there is a full album of you and him. Dad is in some of them too.” Roger looks at the next picture and feels his heart swell at the memories, it skips a few months, but the next picture is all four of them, Brian, Freddie, John, and himself, right before Freddie left for the war, one of the last pictures of Freddie that Roger had. They are standing in heavy jackets, it was mid-January, Freddie is in his uniform, he looks proud, he is holding Roger’s hand, the ring visible on the blonds finger, Brian and John are either side of them, Brian towering over Freddie, they are laughing at something one of them had said, Roger had tears visible in his eyes. “Did he go to war?”

“We all did, except for your dad, he was waiting for us when we got back.” Brian stopped behind where Roger and Emily were sitting, looking over their shoulders. “Freddie never made it home,” Roger said quietly, looking around at his family, Rufas was now interested, having turned off the TV and was sitting at his father’s feet, just like he did when he was a child. “I bet you miss him a lot.” Rufas noticed the tears in his father’s eyes. “Yeah, we do miss Fred very much.”

“Roger, why don’t you tell them some of the stories while I go pick up dinner?” Brian encourages. Roger nods and kisses Brian when he leans down before going to the front door. “Me and Freddie were inseparable from the moment we met…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter Preview: 
> 
> 1942
> 
> Christmas had come and gone. nineteen forty-two was nearly over and Freddie’s time with Roger was dwindling with every passing day. “I am going to miss you so much.” Freddie kissed every inch of Roger’s skin he could reach without having to change his position next to his fiance. “I will write you every day, Freddie.” 
> 
> Thank you for reading, as always, please let me know what you thought and how I can improve. The next chapter should be up soon as I have felt a really strong urge to write. Kudos and comments are always welcomed and they really make my day y'all. 
> 
> See ya next time for more angst and suffering for our boys.
> 
> ~MK


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